thoughts on college tours (from an anxious rising senior)

It’s an overcast day, and yet still muggy. Everyone dressed warmly under the assumption that the clouds would make you shiver, though now you will all sweat uncomfortably because each person refuses to be the first one to remove their jacket or sweatshirt. Even those that live near this college misjudged the weather, and now everyone looks sheepish, including you.

A spunky young college student approaches and everyone gratefully turns to the person that will now be interrogated for the next hour, knowing that at least one of these parents will ask a deeply irrelevant and unanswerable question that they probably could have solved by looking into the brochure given at the beginning of the tour and with an ounce of critical thinking.

“Let’s take a moment to introduce ourselves. How about we start with our names, where we’re from, and what major we’re thinking about, okay?”

As you survey the group, you wonder what it would be like if this exact group was stranded on an island, Lost-style, and we had to survive for like a month. What would the dynamics be?

On your right is a mother and daughter locked at the hip, near matching outfits, teddy coats and Gucci slides. Their jeans are torn and tight and their tops are sloppily knit, though they probably cost $300 each. Tastefully rich-looking with a side of high-lighted hair and the smell of “I’d rather you drink inside the house,” the mother-daughter duo eventually trade their shoes for the dusted concrete and ask if the food in the dining halls is completely organic. You wonder what their reaction would be if the spunky freshman PR student said no.

On your left are a group of boys still dressed in their baseball uniforms and looming over you, their bleached blond hair obstructed by matching baseball caps with ornamented pit vipers. Business majors. They make it clear that it is not their choice to be here from the very beginning by sending drool-worthy pictures of the aforementioned pit vipers to the 96 Snapchat contacts waiting restlessly for the three-hour late response to the selfie they spent an hour getting ready for so it would be just right.

Your group starts to make their way down several campus landmarks. You pass the fountain that people get thrown into on their birthday because it’s a [school name] tradition. “That’s the kind of vibe we try to promote around here, it’s pretty unique!” 

The group has a bunch of environmental science hopefuls, some bio majors, some pre-med or pre-law, and the black sheep humanities students that earn glares from several parents minus the mother-daughter duo that smile and nod. Everyone but the parents are relatively quiet, with several witty jokes about innuendo-ed college days in the 90s, shared suites and double twin bed rooms. “You know, your parents weren’t always the ones asking the questions!” Chortles from dads in flip flops and mothers in H&M. Sweat dripping as covertly as possible.

You’re probably going to end up here. As hushed and sweaty as you are now, you see yourself on the grass or in the organically-sourced dining halls. You see yourself smirking at mother-daughter duos and hoping they collectively choose this school. You see yourself leading a tour, answering unanswerable questions as patiently as possible. You try not to let your enthusiasm show (that would be lame and the baseball guys are already being rude to the tour guide). But a knowing smile seeps onto your face and a weight slips off your shoulders. You could see yourself anywhere, doing all those things, but you hope it’s there. Even if it isn’t this one, you know you’ll get into a college. At least one college. They have to take you! All the people in this group are going to end up somewhere, education’s a business! To whom it may concern, for all of the awkward college tours and panicked research and standardized tests and AP exams and barely-passed finals and terrifying statistics and matching mothers and daughters and baseball boys lacking in self-awareness and embarrassing parents and soaking wet birthday celebrators in every school in the entire United States because every single college has that tradition ever– you will find a place to be. 

Don’t be intimidated by tours, there are schools that will go out of business if they don’t take you so don’t boil yourself down to an acceptance rate. Take your sweatshirt off if you’re hot. Loosen up! Growing up isn’t so bad sometimes.

Sincerely,

An Anxious Rising Senior